Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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