walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
