do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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