Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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