There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
