I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
