She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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