i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
