Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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