come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The uberlube is also flammable
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
