I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
