why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
