Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
