i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
