I want to have your abortion
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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