oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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