I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
