bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
