So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
