Kiss
Puke
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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