So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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