I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
