On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
