I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
