I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
