I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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