there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
