Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
