My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
