i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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