We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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