I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
