Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
