I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
