Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
