she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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