Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
