I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
