it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
