$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
