guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
