It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she told me i tasted like america
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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