you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
