i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
