my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
false alarm. still invincible.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
