My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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