I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
