so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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