Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
