he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
